Hey peeps! some jokes to share which i found on a forum :D

First joke:

After a boyfriend and the girlfriend have separated for two years,
the male keep thinking about the female, therefore he has written 600 love letters in these two
years to that female, however there was no respond at all. After
two years, he receives the news that his girlfriend is going to marry,he asked his friends to who his girlfriend is going to marry.

Finally he discovered his girlfriend is going to marry the postman who had helped him to delivered those love letters in the past 2 years.

Second joke:

Subject: FW: NEW EMPLOYMENT RULES


NEW EMPLOYMENT RULES
>
> SICK DAYS
>
> We will no longer accept a doctor's sick note as proof of sickness.
>If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
>
> SURGERY
>
> Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
>will need all your organs. You should not consider having anything
>removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a
>breach of your employment contract.
>
> HOLIDAYS
>
> Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They will be called
>Saturday and Sunday.
>
> BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
>
> This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
>dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have
>non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
>employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for
>the late afternoon.
>
> We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and
>subsequently leave one hour early, provided your days' tasks are
>completed.
>
> ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH
>
> This will be accepted as a reasonable excuse for absence. However, we
>require at least two weeks notice as you are required to train your
>replacement.
>
> TOILET BREAK
>
> Too much core working time is being spent in the toilets. In the
>future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
>
>
>For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from
>8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to
>8.40 and so on.
>
> If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to
>wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme
>emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both
>workers and supervisors must approve this in writing.
>
> In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets.
>At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will
>retract, and the door will open.
>
> LUNCH BREAK
>
> Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they
>can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to
>maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch
>because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim fast and take a diet pill.
>
> DRESS CODE
>
> It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
>If we see you wearing fancy trainers or designer clothing we will
>obviously assume that you do not need a pay rise.
>
>
> Thank you for your loyalty to the organization. We are here to provide
>a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
>concerns, complaints, frustrations,irritations, aggravations,
>insinuations, allegations, accusations,contemplations, consternations
>or input should be directed elsewhere.

third joke:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....

_____________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

Fourth Joke

"If there are any idiots in the classroom, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."



Well, I hope it helped you laugh. we need to deeee-stress okay! I'll post more when im not lazy ^_^

Signing off! Alyssa :)